I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
