We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
