why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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