My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
