So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
