I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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