if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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