you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
