can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
