i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
