shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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