new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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