Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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