This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
