her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
