Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We just shotgunned beers for America
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Found your dick twin last night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize