don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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