Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize