what day is it and did you see me today?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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