He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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