Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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