He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
