I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
