Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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