1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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