16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
