if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
