I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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