That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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