She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
