WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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