She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
