Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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