Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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