Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
