So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
