dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
