so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize