sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
