Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
