dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
