I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
