Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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