your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
