ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
