i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
