if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
