I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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