Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
