You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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