I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
