I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
