please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
vagina is talking i cant
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
