I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
two words...techno handjob
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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