Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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