I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize