Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
