Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
