that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
