im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize