How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
