Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
