My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize