can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
