a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
