Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
