i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
did i just pee glitter
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
