apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
