you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
