I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All the doctor said was why
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
