im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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