I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
