Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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