I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
