we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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