walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
