Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
